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Chaplains Corner A place to discuss religion, personal problems, or to request advise from someone who will listen and provide moral support.

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Old 11-25-2017, 11:02 PM   #16
Preacher
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sanders View Post
So, how do I forgive someone? I can forgive, but it doesn't mean I have to forget. It doesn't mean I have to trust that person again, as if nothing ever happened. I can even love them, but that doesn't mean I have to like them nor trust them.
Well, I can't really add anything to the fine answers that have already been given. Sanders answered exactly as I would have. But he touched on something that I will expand on.

The portion I've quoted from him is a lot of people's downfalls when it comes to forgiveness, because they think that forgiveness and trust are the same thing. They are not. Not even close. But because people are not able to make that separation, they equate the fact of their mistrust means that they have not forgiven.

As a minister, I still struggle with my demons. And this is a lesson that I've learned the hard way. Mostly because I listened to people who were unqualified to tell me what forgiveness was. Case in point, a family member who doesn't support his family constantly borrowed money from us because "the kids" would suffer if we didn't. Nobody wants to see children in a home in the middle of winter without any heat or food. So they played on those heartstrings for money.

Finally one day, we loaned them a good chunk of change and placed ourselves in a bind doing so. Two days later, they bought a brand new computer. They used our money to pay the bills, but used their own for the frivolous purchase. That was my breaking point.

Next month when they wanted to borrow money again, I said OK, but I'm taking your computer home with me as collateral until you pay me back. I was the worst hypocrite ever, fake Christian and the whole nine yards. Keep in mind, I did not deny them the money, they just didn't like the terms. That was the last time they ever asked for money for a long time.

But it did happen again a few years later. Once again, I said OK as long as I take something valuable of yours as collateral, because this is a loan, not a gift. Needless to say, I caught criticism and free lessons from all of my in-laws about the pastor not willing to forgive. It was then that I came to realize that I had in fact forgiven them, but they had not changed their behavior. And since they had not changed their behavior, I could not trust them.

Sermon in a sentence that Sanders already offered, you can forgive someone without trusting them. Forgiveness is free, trust has to be earned.
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Old 11-26-2017, 04:08 PM   #17
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Forgiveness is free, trust has to be earned.
Thanks for that line. Too many just don't understand the difference.
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When it comes to evil, to tolerate is to accommodate, to accommodate is to appease, and to appease is to concede defeat.

"Men find all kinds of ways to believe ANY absurdity!"


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Old 12-01-2017, 07:59 PM   #18
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Forgiveness:

I don't stay mad long. If somebody really screw me over, I'm mad for a while then I just let it go.

If someone screws me over in a particularly awful manner, I'll get over it but will never have anything to do with that person again. I won't wish them any ill will. I just don't want to have anything to do with them. Example:

About 15 years ago I was fired from a successful part-time local Blues band by the two lead guys who were my "best friends". They fired me through an email to my WIFE!!! Reason: they didn't like the fact I had gone back into the Army Reserves and were concerned my training schedule would conflict with gigs.

Fast forward 14 years. I bump into one of the guys who fired me at a restaurant. The guy sits down at my table and couldn't have been nicer. We laughed and talked for about 30 minutes. Afterward my wife said "Maybe Mark isn't such a bad guy afterall. Maybe you should give him a call. He said he's looking for a good drummer."

My reply: "The whole time I was hanging out with Mark I felt like I was talking to a sleazy used car salesman. He creeps me out almost to the point of being demonic. I can smell evil seeping through his pores. I just can't get over the knife wound in the back."

Bottom Line: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
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Old 12-02-2017, 10:29 AM   #19
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Finally one day, we loaned them a good chunk of change and placed ourselves in a bind doing so. Two days later, they bought a brand new computer. They used our money to pay the bills, but used their own for the frivolous purchase. That was my breaking point.
Man, this sounds familiar...

Brian
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Old 12-02-2017, 01:17 PM   #20
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I only forgive my children, no one else, not even my own father. Someone does harm to me or mine and they are out of my life... and maybe theirs too.
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