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Chaplains Corner A place to discuss religion, personal problems, or to request advise from someone who will listen and provide moral support.

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Old 01-27-2016, 09:19 AM   #61
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Looking that way, but damn, what a meat grinder.....
Just don't get caught in the same 'trap' again...



44
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Old 01-27-2016, 10:35 AM   #62
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Well, in a way I'm glad things are beginning to look a tad better for you Steve.
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Old 01-27-2016, 08:59 PM   #63
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Just don't get caught in the same 'trap' again...



44
If ever I do, it's prenuptial or nothing. Not gonna risk complete financial ruin again.
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Old 01-27-2016, 10:16 PM   #64
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If ever I do, it's prenuptial or nothing. Not gonna risk complete financial ruin again.
I was meaning the same 'trap'

as in the same woman...
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Old 03-08-2016, 07:09 PM   #65
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Best of luck to you DirtySteve! Sounds like you are keeping your composure.
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Old 07-09-2016, 10:17 AM   #66
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Started dating a bit, casually anyway during the times I'm not with my boy.
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Old 07-09-2016, 11:33 AM   #67
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Good for you! The boy comes first, then social activities.
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Old 07-10-2016, 09:24 AM   #68
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Good for you! The boy comes first, then social activities.
Yep. No dating ops during my time with him.
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Old 07-10-2016, 10:04 PM   #69
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It's final. I get the boy 1/2 the time, and I avoided $$$disaster. We pretty much walked. The house stays mine. Still taking high road.
From my experiences, you done did good.

Now you can begin to rebuild your life. Good luck... and remember to stay in
touch with God.
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Old 07-11-2016, 07:44 AM   #70
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At least temporarily, I want to make things work, but she's convinced it can't. We have a 9 month old son. There's never been any type of abuse at all, simply abrasiveness due to my pay cut starting back in July.

We just agreed to informal custody, but I'm still hopeful that counseling might help. I have retooled how I interact with her and household chores, but she's so upset that it took me so long.

What should I do in the meantime?
With the clarity of hindsight: If I had my own life to live over again and were in your situation I would:

1. Get a lawyer, NOW, before she does. She made a mistake by being the first one to abandon the primary residence. I suggest you capitalize on it!

2. Forget about blaming yourself. Being submissive isn't going to help.

3. Forget about hoping for her to return because, statistically, (Realistically!) she probably won't; and even if she did it's unlikely to last for long.

4. At this stage of the marital breakdown it's highly probable that, somewhere, there's another man; or, if not, then the prospect of one is on, ‘the horizon’.

5. Toughen up! The best posture for you to assume is that of being an adversary. You can, ‘sugar-coat’ it if you like; but she certainly will.

6. You can remain civil and polite; but a cautious adversary is the only thing that you should be. (She might remain friendly; or, at least, for awhile you can expect her to, ‘fight like a woman’ until she gets all of her, ‘ducks in order’ and understands exactly what her option are.)

7. Your willingness to reconcile (Your, 'hope against all hope'!) is an intellectual weakness; and, sooner or later, she WILL use this forlorn hope against you.

8. Forget about, ‘retooling’. Nobody’s perfect; and I AM CERTAIN that she could use some, ‘retooling’ of her own. By allowing yourself to think like this you have (albeit unwittingly) given her the psychological advantage.

9. In every divorce children are always, ‘casualties of war’. Life goes on. Circumstances and personalities vary. Some kids are able to rise above a marital breakup; and others will become entangled in it. Whatever happens unless your wife really screws up, ‘big time’, she will always have the emotional, ‘inside track’ with the child; and especially if that child is a boy.

10. When the wife moves out she is putting you on notice that her marriage to you is no longer the highest priority in her thinking and emotional life. This dissatisfied attitude is especially true if you haven’t really given your present wife any, ‘real reason’ to leave the marital home. (Genuine reasons for a marital breakup usually include one or more of the following authentic motivations: drugs, alcohol, physical disease, mutual guilt, (It doesn’t matter what for.) emotional indifference, physical brutality, and/or involves at least one other member of an opposite sex.)

You asked for my opinion; and I’ve given it to you. Now, I think it’s time for you to become more, ‘self-orientated’, and place your own perceived best interests first. The child will either come around, or he* won’t. Either way it’s not going to be your fault.



NOTES:

1. Will the two of you occasionally, ‘sleep’ together again? Probably. Why? Because during a marital breakup - and instead of being legitimately enjoyable - sex may very easily become a, ‘weapon of psychological manipulation and abuse’.

2. Yes, I know it's an old thread; but the need for this sort of information remains timeless!

* Formal English pronoun in, ‘universal gender’. (‘Old school’, I know; but I am, ‘old school’.)
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Old 07-14-2016, 10:12 AM   #71
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From my experiences, you done did good.

Now you can begin to rebuild your life. Good luck... and remember to stay in
touch with God.
Always.
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Old 07-14-2016, 09:50 PM   #72
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Also remember rule #3.
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Old 12-19-2017, 12:45 PM   #73
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Update; Ex wife moved back in just after Halloween. I'm positive it's because she's financially ruined. I'm not trying to force anything along reconciliation, but I'm grateful to have my 3yr old boy under my roof every night rather than 1/2 the time. We never "fought" so no drama on that end. Career wise, the charter school I was at has lost it's contract. She doesn't know. Please pray for opportunities to come along fellas.
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Old 12-19-2017, 01:52 PM   #74
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We will all pray for you, Sir...

Protect yourself and keep your eyes open

and don't let her cloud your judgement...

Good luck Sir

But remember about getting caught in

the same trap twice...
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Old 12-19-2017, 04:07 PM   #75
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Damn, go and apply with your county, quick. Do you have a science degree by any chance, Physics, Math, Biology Chemistry? My son may need a new calculus teacher soon.

apply at Biotech at Richmond Heights. Oh yeah, it's down here.
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